A symbol of hope, of love, of joy. The pinnacle of modern human achievement. All of this — and more — can describe the far-reaching phenomena taking over high schools across the country: Stanleys. For the (few) uninitiated, a Stanley is something like a sippy cup designed for adults, complete with a lid and straw, but it is so much more.
In the past few months, Stanley has undergone a meteoric rise to fame. In investigating the mystery of the tumbler, we talked to some Stanley stans.
“Listen, I got a pretty bad concussion three weeks ago and was supposed to be out for a month,” sophomore Mariana Gomez said. “I took one sip from my Stanley and it was gone! Like magic! I am pro-Stanley for life.”
The Stanley trend has spread to the stands as well.
“I don’t know why I didn’t believe it was true. The moment I started using my Stanley, I could suddenly see straight across the field and I’m telling you, those refs are blind. I just wish they took my advice,” one vocal spectator said.
The science behind these statements? Confirmed. Medical design experts certify that drinking out of a straw organically increases your overall quality of life and likeability, which obviously would heal a concussion and improve eyesight. Simple science, people.
In fact, the sheer quantity of literature studies corroborating the decrease of injuries in high school athletes relative to the amount of Stanleys used is extraordinary. There is a direct correlation between the increasing rate of Stanley purchases and the decreasing rate of sports injury. Due to this data, all teams are now required to provide every student athlete with a Stanley cup.
But the Stanley is not just one-dimensional. Indeed, its power extends beyond the obvious hydration benefits.
“I don’t use my Stanley merely for water. It serves so many purposes, from emotional support vehicle to conversation starter to medical supply,” sophomore Carolyn Wang said as she used her beloved cup in place of a foam roller.
Athletic trainers at schools have also benefited from the increased use of Stanleys among their athletes. Poly athletic trainer Ritz Tiguila shared, “During the fall season I always have at least half the football team in the trainer’s room needing something taped up, massaged or just physical therapy help, but due to Stanleys, that number has been reduced drastically. It has allowed me to pay attention to the other smaller sports teams.”
The advantages behind Stanleys aren’t just physical. Sports therapists nationwide are calling for daily Stanley hours — time for athletes to bond with their Stanleys. They say the mental health benefits of caring for their trusty Stanleys render them a necessity for any athlete. Student activists recently organized to lobby politicians to allow people to register their Stanleys as emotional support accompanists in order to recognize the cups’ myriad benefits and ensure their accessibility in all spaces.
As the benefits of having a Stanley grows, professional teams are considering replacing their longstanding Gatorade and Powerade hydration bottles and jugs. A waterboy for the Kansas City Chiefs, who asked not to be named, said he overheard the Chiefs trying to sign a multimillion-dollar contract to partner up with Stanley as their team’s hydration company. It is hard to say whether Taylor Swift or Stanley will have a bigger impact on the Chiefs’ ticket sales.
As more and more athletes buy Stanleys, teams’ sideline aesthetics have begun to become an important aspect of sporting events. Now, it isn’t just about a team’s uniform or their ability to play the sport — it’s about the diversity of designs and colors of Stanleys. Seasonal Stanley decorations and designs now play an outsized role in determining a team’s reputation and status. For instance, the players on California’s number one ranked girls basketball team, the Archbishops of San Jose, each have personalized Stanleys, with metal engravings, unique finishes and patterns and differently colored pastel straws. The team even matched their Stanleys with their Air Jordans.
Our reporting led us on a local and national chase, and the results are clear: Stanleys have spoken. The empire is growing. Investing in this special cup isn’t just getting a $40 water bottle for your required sports credit. It’s joining a community, a lifestyle, a family. It’s becoming part of a promise. In Stanley, you won’t just find a bottle — you will find your purpose and identity.
In the words of Barbie: humans only have one ending. Stanleys live forever.